What do you do when you catch your buddy cheating in the nice, friendly game of “Asshole”? You punish him with the Gobblet of Scorn!!! And what would one find in such a devine chalice? Well some nasty Smirnoff Vodka…the really bad, cheap stuff you buy when you do not know any better.
What the hell is going on with that apple?
Hey it’s Sticky, he’s bigger than Mike.
I just thought you all should know that I’m having a baby. Please feel free to call with any questions. It’s the new chick, thank God. Her name is Patty for those of you who haven’t met her yet. Your pal Herbert
For those of you who ever wondered where it was and if it truly existed:
Link to Gold Spike Hotel and Casino
For a nice review check out CheapoVegas.com:
A lot run down, a lot stinky and sometimes fun. No other casino has this many real penny slots, this cheap a snack bar and this loony a clientele. Once your lungs adjust to breathing pure smoke, it’s hard not to have a soft spot for the filthy of the Gold Spike.
Room Quality: Many people find it absolutely disgusting, and the truth is that it is one of the dirtiest-looking casinos in town. On the plus side, the smoke won’t choke a horse like it used to. It’ll just give the horse a hacking cough. Trust us, we bring horses in here all the time. The transient level in the casino can be pretty high. Rooms are average-sized, somewhat dark and a pretty threadbare. Usually things work okay, though (except drains that always drain slowly in the many rooms we’ve had, and occasionally the A/C is overworked). They’ve upgraded their air conditioners so that you may not sweat all night. That is, unless you spend the whole night doing calisthenics. And they added alarm clocks and armoires to the suites. Fair beds, intermittent hot water, and everything’s not filthy (not exactly spotless either, though). The suites, while not fancy, are an absolute steal. The two-bed suites are two rooms with two TVs, a larger bathroom, and a big balcony looking out over downtown. The queen bed suites are one large room with big balconies. Suites have refrigerators in them.
Service Quality: Service? What, are you nuts like the other customers? But hey, this is what you should expect. The prices are low and you get slightly more than you pay for, but you do not get room service, or quick responses to requests. There is also no cable TV or pay-per-view dirty movies.
What You Get Bottles of in the Bathroom: They help you keep your hair clean with fancy shampoo. Sure, we appreciate smelling so nice, but if this shampoo is why the rooms cost more than they used to, we’re not sure it’s a fair trade off.
Clientele: It’s a blue-collar crowd. Lots of people that drove all night to get to Vegas from the Midwest or the coast. There’s also quite a few young people who have figured that they don’t need a swanky hotel room to have a good time.
How’s the Pool? It has none, but it’s close enough to other hotels where you can try to sneak in. Specifically, we have had good luck at the Plaza.
Table Games: No more blackjack. They once had it, and it was glorious. But the dimbulbs at Barrick Gaming/Tamares pulled it in their ongoing effort to run their properties so far into the ground you’ll need a deep drill to visit.
Bet Minimums: The blackjack tables are gone. Haven’t you been paying attention? Sorry if I sound a little cranky, but, good lord, you would be too if they took away your favorite tables.
Machines: From a penny to a dollar. The Spike is home to the famous “Copper Mine” which is probably the world’s largest collection of penny slot machines, including video poker, keno and reel slots. It’s seen better days, and might not be long for this world (Every time we go, there are more and more penny slots in such bad repair that it looks like they’re just waiting for them to die) but while it lasts, it’s a great place to kill several hours for about $2.
Cocktails? Fair to poor. The drink service in the “Copper Mine” is nearly nonexistent. If you tip a buck per drink, the waitresses will remember you and come back fairly quickly. In the bar, cocktails are dirt cheap, so you can get drunk for a few bucks even if you aren’t playing.
Who Gets Comps? They don’t comp rooms, but play the slots and ask for a diner comp. You’ll probably get it. Hit a jackpot of fifty dollars or more and you get free dinner for two.
Gold Spike Diner: It’s comfort food that’s not that comforting. Well, the prices are comforting to the wallet, especially being able to buy a complete roast beef or turkey dinner for just a few bucks. The food is not good and the dining room is not pleasant. We love to end a night downtown with some coffee and pie while we retell our favorite stories from the craps tables.
Lunatics: We have yet to go to the Spike without meeting some crazy people. This place is a magnet for nuts. They’re harmless, but they will sing you Christmas carols, talk about getting fired for delivering mail while drunk, hit you up for a buck, or bum a smoke off you. If this doesn’t sound like your idea of a good time, it’s probably better if you don’t hang out here.
Where? Downtown.
Who owns it? Tamares
Ostensible Theme: The completion of the Transcontinental Railroad is the most likely candidate for the Gold Spike’s theme, but it’s still pretty unclear. Is this the little stepsister to the Plaza?
Clientele: The Gold Spike is “Where ocals Win!” Yes, “ocals.” That’s what the sign said.
Employee Costumes: Gold Spike employees have a variety of uniforms, from the very desirable Gold Spike T-shirts to denim dress shirts. The maintenance staff wears collared shirts with the Gold Spike logo. All are available for purchase at the casino cage.
Carpet and Other Decor: The Gold Spike is dinky, and it seems even smaller due to its low stucco ceilings, dark paneling and cramped aisles. It’s pretty darn functional in here. I can just hear some grumpy cashier scolding, “If you’re looking for gewgaws, go to the Mirage, for chrissakes!” Still, the Gold Spike is not entirely gewgaw free. The gold, orange and brown glass windows over the cashier windows remind me of plastic drinking glasses from the 1970s. And, if you get a chance, look closely at the walls. Motel art! Lots of places don’t even bother to decorate their walls. And, just recently, the Gold Spike has repainted their ceilings and added some gold trim, which really lightens things up in the casino.
Through the dinginess of the carpet, I can barely make out the gold and black floral design on a mauve background. It’s actually pretty subdued for casino carpet.
Bathrooms are, in the words of Stinky, “really dumpy.” But, I will add that they have automatic flushing and faucets, which is pretty high-tech compared to a lot of joints around here. Mostly, the bathroom decor, with its dim yellow stalls and walls, is reminiscent of a bus station.
I might’ve heard a faint buzzing of background music, but it was easily drowned out by the machine action.Food: The Gold Spike diner offers the type of food that would be familiar to railroad workers everywhere- pie (use your 2 for 1 coupon!), “succulent hot dogs” and more! Plus, I hear that someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah.
Games: If you love penny slots like I do, the Copper Mine is a place you simply must visit. Beware the tough competition for machines, though. You might be surprised to learn just how many penny enthusiasts there are.
Entertainment: I spend a good deal of my Gold Spike time talking to complete strangers, actually. If you’re not that social, you could always read the thank you notes by the check-in desk, or the sign, “For your health and comfort, the Gold Spike has purified the air.” That one always gets the laughs. But, I get the feeling that the staff at the Gold Spike would rather you keep your wandering eyes off the patrons and the signage and on the games!
Services: Need to forget how low you’ve sunk? The Gold Spike has its own bar.
Did it work?: Well, it probably doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me, even if the theme is nigh nonexistent. The surly staff, the dingy décor, the cheap games, the cheaper cocktails- I’ve always felt that I don’t have to worry about impressing anyone here, and so it’s very comfy.
Suggestions: If the Gold Spike ever decides they do need some entertainment, they should recruit some musical hobos for a floor show. Or, preferably, they could hire a blues singer, so all the down-and-out gamblers could mope.
Source: Cheapo Vegas – Gold Spike
When is this movie coming out? It looks funny as hell…..check out the guy in the trailer running away from Borat. That would be Scott.
That’s a damn rip-off i tell ya, RIP-OFF!!
Remember, Erick, I’m trying to run a law firm here bud.
